


Drive Me Mad

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Feelings, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 12:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Oswald and Edward have a weird on and off relationship in which Ed often gets confused and breaks Oswald's heart but Oswald takes him back each time. The worst of it is that he always drags Jim into this and now that Ed's back again Oswald has some unpleasant news for the detective.





	Drive Me Mad

"Jim, we need to talk..." Oswald inhaled deeply. "I'm so very sorry but... I did something and now... now it'd be best if we break up."

And there it was. The words were out. And Oswald swallowed and looked Jim in the eyes, hoping he wouldn't hurt him too much.

Jim gave him a look. “What, again?”

Oswald sighed and looked away, kind of uncomfortable. “It’s not… like  _ that  _ …”

“Come on. We know each other long enough. It’s Edward, isn’t it?”

“He came to the mansion last night…” Oswald confessed in a small voice.

“Of course he did.” Jim exhaled. He didn’t seem angry, even though he clearly knew where this was going. He seemed… concerned. It made it all the worse for Oswald. It would’ve been easier if Jim yelled or even hit him if he had to. But this… this  _ understanding  _ was worse.

“I’m sorry, Jim. It’s-- I don’t know why I keep doing this!” He covered his face with his hands. Was he shaking? Why was he shaking?

“This isn’t about me, Oswald. Not anymore. It stopped being about me a long time ago. It’s about you. You’re-- addicted to Nygma.”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Let’s not make this about Ed…”

“But that’s what it’s about, isn’t it?” Jim insisted, a little firmer this time. “He comes to you, he turns your life upside down, he breaks your heart, and then you run back to me. I don’t mind you using me as a shoulder to cry on, I can be your consolation prize--”

“You’re not!”

“-- but, Oswald, you can’t keep letting him waltz back into your life again and pretend everything’s fine just because he says he’s sorry.”

Oswald was silent. Thinking.

“Edward… has problems,” he finally said. “He’s unwell. He needs me. I can’t just-- He gets these moods sometimes, they’re really bad, and that’s when he freaks out and-- and--”

“And dumps you,” Jim finished the sentence for him. They both knew Oswald wouldn’t be able to say the word out loud.

“Do  _ not  _ do this to me, Jim. Please.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “I understand I’m being very unfair to you and I’m really sorry but this is--”

“-- stronger than you?”

Oswald sighed. “I’ve used that line before, haven’t I?”

“The last time you broke up with me you did, yes,” Jim nodded, unimpressed.

Oswald bit his lips hard. After a small pause he continued. “Edward loves me,” he said. “I know he does. And yes, you make me happy, Jim, but it’s not-- I’m doing the right thing. For all of us.”

Jim chuckled bitterly. “Like you did the last three times?”

“It’s going to be different this time.”

“Because you trust him? After  _ everything  _ you two have been through you still trust him? You’d actually take him back! Do you even remember what he did to you? Do you remember what a mess you were when he left you? Don’t you see how stupid you’re being, Oswald! How pathetic he makes you!”

The words stung. They inflamed Oswald. “You want to talk pathetic, Jim? You of all people? You dare to judge me for taking Edward back but you do exactly the same with me! Every single time! What I let Ed do to me, you let me do to you! And you dare judge me! Why don’t you take your own advice? Why won’t you just scream at me to fuck off? Why do you keep letting me in, keep taking me back! Why, Jim? Why!”

Things escalated quickly. Oswald was panting, heart racing in his chest. He regretted his words the moment they were out. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Jim. Yet that was exactly what he did. And he hated it! He hated looking into those blue eyes that persistently kept the sadness bottled inside, refusing to let it show or let it out. He hated knowing that he repaid Jim’s kindness by hurting him, again. He hated being that person but he couldn’t help it. It happened so fast, one minute he was trying to be gentle about it, the next those hurtful words were out.

Jim was just staring at him silently, reminding Oswald of a trapped animal. And Oswald understood. Why Jim always took him back, why Jim always forgave him. Jim was in love with him. What Oswald felt for Ed, that unhealthy obsession, that mad love, Jim felt for him. And there was no escape, no getting away. It was an addiction and it was so bloody hard to fight it. Oswald couldn’t count the times he wished he’d feel that for Jim instead. He loved Jim, of course he did. He wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t. Jim was amazing and they were great together! But Jim didn’t make him forget himself so utterly like Ed did. Jim wasn’t always on Oswald’s mind, filling each thought. Oswald wouldn’t abandon everything for Jim. When they were apart he wouldn’t count every single second until he got to see Jim again. When they were together, he didn’t forget everything else. Jim didn’t consume him the way Ed did. And perhaps that was what love should be like -- a normal amount of healthy affection, not a clingy, codependent, overwhelming feeling that burnt him on the inside until there was nothing left of him. That great passion, that utter madness of a love he and Edward shared, it was toxic, it was insane, it was unbeatable. And Oswald knew it. But no matter how much he tried to set himself free of it, he couldn’t. He always got pulled back. And he always hurt Jim in the process. He wished things were different. How much easier it would’ve been if he felt that way for Jim instead. Or didn’t feel this way about anyone at all, for that matter. If he could just love Jim properly, the right amount, the  _ healthy  _ amount. Jim deserved it. Jim deserved Oswald’s full and utter devotion. He deserved it more than Ed ever did. But one could not deny love. One could not dictate to one’s heart. Oswald was under Edward’s thumb, completely and forever. And there was nothing he could do about it anymore. Edward was flowing through Oswald’s veins, fierce in his dreams, seizing his guts, so deeply rooted in Oswald’s very being that he had  _ become a part of it _ . Getting Edward out of his life would be equal to removing an appendage. Which is why it always hurt when Edward eventually left. But Oswald never thought about it at the beginning. At each of their beginnings.

Jim was still silent. There was nothing left for him to say.

Oswald reached for Jim’s hand and said, “I’m sorry. If I could--”

The words he was about to say sounded dumb in his own head so he swallowed them down without speaking them aloud. He watched Jim pull away and heading for the door, and he wondered to himself if he could really change things,  _ would he _ ? Or would he, despite the clear knowledge that his relationship with Edward wasn’t healthy, that all he ever got in the end was pain, and not only that but he was hurting a man who truly cared for him, a good man, despite knowing  _ all that  _ would he  _ still  _ choose Ed?

The sad truth was… that he would. No matter how utterly self-destructive that was, he would.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Oswald knew that when it came to Edward Nygma he was insane. Unfortunately, he didn’t want to be cured. Not really. Even though his mind knew what was right for him, his heart would never allow him that peace. And like a bug, desperate for the light of the fire despite burning in it, Oswald craved Edward. For however long it lasted this time. Accepting whatever agony he had to endure when it was all over. Hoping that the high was worth the pain. It was their addiction. And they were drowning it it. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. It just sort of happened so here it is for your "entertainment" now. There's a lot of song references -- mostly Wake Up Alone, Addicted To You, and even Blank Space. I hope you enjoy it ((is enjoy even the right word for this sort of angst?))  
> Anyway, thank you, all!


End file.
